who let hormones govern what they feel or act or say?

Well, of course I can, the thing is, I have not really gone into the idea so deep for a period of time that it feels so strange whenever I try to do so. Meeeeeeh~ You don't get me, do you?

Okay, I'll try to be like these people who do not hesitate to voice out / write / express whatever their hormone-driven feelings. (Hey, I have nothing against it, it's just well, I opt not to express them for I am busying myself over other stuffs. :D)

For my next project:
"Longing for someone beside me..."

Swear, can i even finish this? =)) =))

We have tried.

We attempted to address the problem of women treated unequally, starting from the formation of provisions in our law that would disable such and gradually accepting the wronged gender in disciplines fundamentally governed by the alpha male.

We have seen the fruition of a long struggle, dating back to the creation of Earth where Eve was condemned, through the presence (if not prominence) of distinct women in these practices.

But we cannot deny that our old dream is not fully realized. For the principle inscribed as a dogma on the paper and spoken as a mantra by the mouth has not eradicated the vestiges of imbalanced consideration between men and women; able it is to permeate the deepest recesses of the mind, it is not potent enough to radically change what has been programmed in our brains by our predecessors and our culture, which, as we know, is established by tradition.

The mere presence (or acceptance) of women in male-predominant fields cannot be, and must not be considered an evidence of our triumph (if ever there is). It is not precisely indicative of our change of mindset - although we cannot safely assume on the other hand that the more women there are (to the point of equaling the men or outnumbering them), the same outcome will apply.

The root of the problem cannot be fully attributed to the intrinsic nature of men and women, although it can be considered as one. Let us look at this aspect: male and female biological differences have not reconciled, and does not show (as dictated by science) any possibility of doing such. From this alone stems our subtle bias for one sex (because this sex is highly emotional, because this sex has greater physical strength) that influences, therefore, our future considerations for men and women and individually.

What we try to say here is that it is notably unlikely to have a solution to our ages-old predicament. But let us not worry, for we are making progress toward the better treatment and regard of women, unlike before when there was not even a little shred of appreciation and esteem for females.

However, it will not change the universal truth that the hierarchy of our world is patriarchal in nature. And from the chain of events we are witnessing, it is probably going to be the same in the future.

~~~
p.s. I am not a hardcore feminist.

With more access to information nowadays, young people can be now cognizant with affairs that only the adult are mostly acquainted with in the past. \

But when the young argue with the grow-ups on some issues, say political matters, and the result does not end with former succumbing to the stand of the latter, then the young will be accused of "pretending to know it all"

WTF??

You just got to love blogging. "Rambled Mind" is turning three this December and as the author of this site which has been present in the blogosphere for three years, I cannot help but be proud of how this traveled so far. This is a "living" proof of how much I changed for the past few years.

I looked back at my previous posts, from the previous one to the latest, and I can tell you at this very moment, that there are indeed remarkable changes on myself - my priorities, my prevailing thoughts, my writing style etc.

If you somehow manage to read this post (you might be disheartened on my previous ranting posts), will you please greet my blog on December 10? This inanimate account which (of course has no choice but to) continuously endures my mind surges deserve some lovin' from some people and of course ME. Let's just imagine (even on December 1o only) that this blog can somehow feel us.

Although there were plenty of reasons for me to think it was a bad day, I dismissed them. There's no reason to be such: Manny Pacquiao (obviously) won the match, my fishes didn't die of my irresponsibility to feed them (FishVille in Fb) and more importantly, I was having a great progress on my readings (which I was struggling with since yesterday).

But you know what, your message ruined it all. You're going to send me an e-mail implying me not to join the bandwagon when you yourself are a part of it? Nice one man.

(Just let me vent this one out. The person WILL NEVER know that he/she is the one pertained to in this post. After all, I do not have an idea of who he/she is. He/she may have an idea, but to know me for real? I doubt it. This is one of the posts that scream "Aaargh" which we know will never grow into something BIG.)

I assure you this is not one of those emo-slasher type of posts where the writer appears too pathetic to the point of being ridiculous to empathize with. For one thing, I am not overly depressed, I'm just vexed about certain things about me which I find hard to change. Second thing: I am not an emo-slasher dude. I think those wrist-cutting guys are so overrated; it's too hard to die by that method anyway.

Enough with the crap and proceed with my shit:
I am pissed of with myself because:
1) I can't seem to do a good thing without coaxing myself with feel-good and sweet words.
2) I can't make my parents believe that shifting to other course will not be so bad at all (it depends on the person actually).
3) I can't focus myself on one thing. I'll read 20 pages of this text and play Mafia Wars after, and then go back to reading. Why it seems so hard to finish a whole text before playing?
4) I read the news, opinions of certain people, full texts of several bills and laws. But I don't make a tangible opinion on what I read. Or to put it simply, I just end up being informed. Period.
5) I read poems, stories, essays and novels. On top of that I write. But these days I can't get myself to finishing even just one piece. Just one!
6) I always get the feeling I'm just a mediocre girl who may not be at the bottom of the heap, but will never be on the top of the heap either.
7) I still find time to make a list of shit about myself instead of trying to find ways to get these off my head.

Ugh.

I am not certain if you favor messages in a letter. I am writing you one however because firstly, you are still not reassured despite my numerous iterations that “I am fine” and “You are not putting me in a miserable situation” even though I always tell you these over the phone or personally – albeit that thoughts rendered in writing form are more open to revisions than those delivered naturally from the mouth. And secondly, I too will not have a peace of mind if you will remain unconvinced of the things I keep telling you.

You do not need to worry about me. You have known me for a long time and you know that there is no reason for you to conclude that I tire of hearing my friends’ frustrations and musings on practically the same thing the whole time. My hair has gone from being tied in a bun to being let loose, eyes from being bespectacled to being covered by soft lenses and my lips from being lifelessly chapped to glossily polished. But the person you met three years ago is pretty much the same: I am still the one mistaken as a boy for the masculinity of her actions, the one who still cracks the corniest jokes, the one who harbors hero-worship for teachers, the one inclined to being tedious and boring, and of course, the one who eats the slowest. More importantly than all of these, and this I want you to remember: I still remain the one who was always beside her friends whenever they got problems (not considering their magnitude) – present to comfort or just listen to them. I never grew weary of friends who kept ranting about a superiorly smart classmate, despicable teacher, former boyfriend, traitor bestfriend, illicitly romantic cousin, homosexual acquaintances and believe me, even me. I have heard almost everything that you can possibly imagine for so many times that the dilemma you now find yourself in will not be the first one to drain me of my understanding and concern toward you.

For some instances that I became vocal about this matter, you have come to know that I am not fully supportive of your resolve, that I would rather see you and him back on the friendship track instead of knowing you are strangers to one another (from the moment you decided so) – to act like there was no blissful moments you shared. Furthermore, it ‘s as if the both of you, including me, had not sworn to one another that we would still be strongly bonded notwithstanding the differences in our academic tracks and the high chances of neglecting our camaraderie due to discovery of new friendships. If my honesty made you think that your seemingly endless utterances of your conviction have somehow exhausted me of my kind consideration, forget the notion. This opinion comes only from my own perspective, leaning toward the optimistic outcome and perhaps, my selfish want of maintaining things relatively easy. I have heard your side and I admit I have not fully realized the gravity of your reasons, but I have not lost my sensitivity – I know that getting past of what you two have been through and burying the hatchet for you to become friends is not something really easy to deal with. The repercussions (and the pain) might have been too magnanimous that it’s almost impossible to put everything where they were before - to be able to do so might only require refreshing your memory of sad falling out and reopening of your old wounds. I cannot bear to see you forcibly putting up yourself with this – you must be emotionally and mentally prepared and stable, somebody which you are apparently not right now. Doing this in a hasty manner might only result to failure, which is probably what we expect: more painful than the origin itself. With the difference in our view, I cannot do anything except continue being a good friend, by at least listening. This I do without choice, for it is my choice – I have already decided to keep true to what I promised before and that promise entails me to do that.

*

One thing that strikes me as a probable reason for your doubt is your assumption that you have not done much for me as a friend. That could be true. However, if friendship and its mutuality are measured by the times one has done something for the other, then there will never be a mutual friendship at all and consequently, one will always benefit more from the other. But this is not case, nor will it be. They are reckoned by the sincerity and earnestness of the people considering themselves as friends, and from these stems out the determination to become “true” to one another.

I do not like you to carry on with this thought on your mind. For all you know, there are many occasions you have proven me you are doubtlessly one of my truest friends. You have so much thinking to do right now and I do not wish this skepticism to add up to the list of your worries. I, for one thing, cannot exactly tell whether listening to your rhetoric will be of great help or not, but just so you know, I will not be tired of hearing your ravings, especially now. One more thing:

You can always count on me.

Your partner-in-crime,
Me

p.s. I remembered I was like this to you before - when I kept showering you with stories about my now ex-crush in school (although I perfectly knew none was of your interests) and also those funny anecdotes when we talked and met. :D
You see, it's not only you, the same went for me.

Give me a chance to rant. Especially now that I realized what's supposed to be the difference between my Blogger journal and Multiply blog since the day I created them. They're both turning three, this one next month and the latter around 3 months from now. Actually, there should not be a category of the posts I am writing, after all, I don't have a specific audience for this blog (if ever there still are or even if I do have any at all) and the other one. I can post whatever I like here or there (wherever I feel like posting) but the thing is the Multiply one gives me the sense that people care (if they really do) and this one does not. Yeah, this feature in Multiply that lets the owner see who view her posts gets me awkward on those posts that spoke of my frustrations with myself and my life. See, those friends of mine who are genuinely concerned of the hullaballoos of my life don't express their affection through comments, they really do send me a personal message on Y!m, text me or even call me. Not that I dislike that - I really really appreciate that, but I don't want people to think that something big is going on with me (hormones can really do something on your blog post tones) when in fact, there's really none. And also I wanted a space where I could breathe out all the shit in my mind without having to worry about hurting somebody. Multiply gives that impression, Blogger doesn't. I don't care what people think about me, I'm not a politician who's running for the coming election anyway, but I do care if I hurt somebody. Maybe at one point I would be stupid enough to indeed hurt somebody through my post, but as long as I posted it in Blogger (consider that I think nobody cares about this) and that person concerned didn't really leave an evidence of her visit, I would be fine.Heck, I guess I would be. Remember what I said about impression? You may say, "If you really do care about hurting somebody then why bother making that post in the first place?" Yeah, I sound hypocritical now, I know. Give me a break, I'm a person who can't freely open myself up to other people. I really find it hard to say even to a close friend, "This person was such an asshole, he dint even contribute anything to the group, blahblahblah." So to vent out my boiling temper I will log-in to my journal and write, "Why can't people fulfill the task they were given? Why don't they consider how their mates suffer because of their irresponsibility?" I am not sure whether it will compensate for the pain it will cause the person I really intended that for, but as far as my posts are concerned, never have I mentioned the name of the particular person who brought about ill-feelings to me. Now, if the person happened to stumble on that post and got hurt, well, instinct would tell me "You deserve that anyway" and I wouldn't really do anything about that unless he left a comment or came to me and asked me to talk about it. That's the beauty of posting here in my Blogger journal. If ever there were readers, they did not make themselves felt which always gave me the sense that it's really me and my blog only, unless they comment. That's the opposite of Multiply, you see who viewed your post and maybe in one way or another I might have hurt those who did because somehow they were similar to the person I was discreetly aiming my post for. What's worse, although that's rare, they might even conclude they were the ones I was ranting about. (Gotta finish this post, the thoughts are jumping everywhere already.) Generally, I like the idea of people viewing my posts in Multiply, but when it comes to these kind of posts (I described that already), personally, I'd rather have the sense that people do not read it, which I get from Blogger because nobody comments on most of my posts. Although I will still post wherever I like it, for those kind however, they will surely end up on this space. I should stop now, I'm afraid I haven't made any sense.

Probably you are my friend (since I am not that vain enough to think that others really do care about my blog anyway) and you know how much I love to read. It could be a news article, a column, novel, poem or just a piece of shit that has text in it. Whatever it may be, just as long as I'm not preoccupied with another reading or stuff that I am required to do at the moment, I will read it. Not just read it, but peruse it. Bwohahaha.

Okay. Again I will assume you are my friend and somehow I managed to be on your "Christmas List" a.k.a. that list which indicates your friends you will be giving gifts to (I may sound really hypocritical now but I really don't expect a gift from everybody except parents :]] ). Now if you want to make decision-making over my present easier, then you're one lucky person, you've just stumbled on this post that screams "All I Want For Christmas".

Or maybe that's too much exaggeration. So let's rephrase it, "What I Want For Christmas" (but the former sounds catchier :P). I do not really care if I don't receive any cold cash this Holiday season, what am I going to do with them anyway, buy the books I listed here? Nah, it'll be good if I'll just be given the books directly, it will save me the energy of going to Powerbooks or Fully Booked. =))

Enough ranting and let's get started. :D:D:D