Maybe I could lose tha one, so fast, as fast as this house was burned down.
I could lose that one without knowing it.
I could lose that one without knowing it.
I have always known myself and by others to be the one they can run to when dilemmas pester them. I'm like a storage device on whom people tell even their best-kept secrets. And with that I can say that I have already built the trust necessary not only for people to continue telling their concealed truths to me but also to establish a stronger friendship between me and this people. I always praise myself for being successful in keeping these secrets a secret. In fact, one of the traits that I say in introducing myself is that I am trustworthy.
Funny though, people find it easy to share their secrets with me while I cannot find that somebody on whom I can share all my secrets. I will say that I am my own secret storage device. Though I remember somebody I had shared my secret with, it is never the same when you have somebody who will just listen to you all the time and have that assurance your secret would never be spoken aloud.
Maybe it all comes back to trust.
Others can easily put their trust to somebody, as for me, I think it will take an era for me to say I fully trust somebody. It is not that I am a loner or what. I just do not know why it is hard for me to just put my trust in somebody. I have never experienced being backstabbed or my concealed thoughts being shouted at the world. But for some reason, it just did not seem like it. Maybe I am ought to be trusted but not entitled to trust somebody.
And this is getting vague, isn't it?
What if I was the one who needed that somebody? That somebody who, even not telling me anything, will just sit beside me and listen to what I have got to say. That one who will not care about how grisly or objectionable my secret is, that person who will just take it all in and keep it, as long as I want to. Who can I run to? My friends? My bestfriend? My parents? My relatives? I love and trust them but still, I am not assured, assured that they will understand me as I am, that they will still see the real me even my secrets reflected the opposite.
I am still searching.
Searching for that person. That person who does not necessarily mean to be the one for me, but rather the right one to wholly trust and to keep my secrets. Maybe that one's just here, or I just overlooked but it may also take a long time for me to find him/her.
But I just thought that the problem might be on me. That person could just be in front of me and I do not know it, and the reason why I haven't seen him/her was I didn't give that one a chance. A chance to be trusted. And maybe, just maybe, I can lose that one without even knowing it.
But I just thought that the problem might be on me. That person could just be in front of me and I do not know it, and the reason why I haven't seen him/her was I didn't give that one a chance. A chance to be trusted. And maybe, just maybe, I can lose that one without even knowing it.
When will ever learn to trust somebody wholly?
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