I never realized you came already. I always stay past midnight so it's not like I was awake only to wait for you. Actually, I really did wait, expecting that we would greet the New Year with warm hugs and wet kisses (omit the wet part if you wanted), but apart from that, I was looking forward to a joyous departure from the previous year and cordial acceptance of 2010.

***

Only that things did not happen the way I hoped they would be. Blame it on letting our helper have a good time of her own for the holidays that was why we had to do the preparations for the supposedly affable occassion (tradition had it that we ready the food ourselves and not succumb to take-out orders from restaurants and alike - this applies only in Christmas and New Year). And doing so, of course, exhausted us, for we were not used to not having somebody to share the burden of our work with; that's the only logical reason I could conclude as of the moment. However, I thought the anticipation for 2010 would actually overtake the burnout feeling, if not totally trump it. But maybe it's because my folks, by virtue of being older, were actually slower in getting hyped up in just a short while, unlike the young which were able to get past the consumption and get giddy in seconds. Anyway, we dealt with the last few minutes of the year by sitting on the living room facing the television and letting the personalities on the TV do the countdown for us. As the last seconds ticked, my sib and I (my younger bro didn't find it cool welcoming the new year with a bang as he couldn't find his Transformer robot) braced ourselves for what we perceived to be a time of celebration, and as 2010 set in, we looked like retards in front of our quiet folks (ooh please they were never that quiet in normal days) when we started hollering 'Happy New Year!' (they say loud noises drive away bad spirits and by the way they dint buy us trumpets this time how weird of them when they used to purchase some for us before) and when we started jumping as high as we can by virtue of wanting to become taller. Seeing that our joviality did not affect my folks and my bro a bit, we just sat down and greeted each other 'New Year' instead of 'Happy New Year!' What a pun. They did even laugh. Poor us.

We then proceeded to our Media Noche. For some reason, any appropriate topic appeared to be elusive; we just ended up quietly sharing the feast. What a waste though, for even if our table was full we dint even come close to finishing half of what was served. When we thought we were full, we just fixed the table (man, I now knew how hard it was not to have somebody to help around) and called it a day. Everyone else went to slumber (in their rooms upstairs) and I ended up being alone on the living room, pondering what went wrong (if ever the series of events were wrong or just a matter of deviation from normalcy). Since I couldn't figure it out I just resorted to having my '2009' in retrospect.

'2009' was a year of:

1. Uncertainties
Oh, it all started after receiving news that I passed the entrance exams. Whatever courses I wrote on my application, that was from the suggestions of my relatives/friends/websites-I-have-visited and of course, my knowledge of what courses my prospective universities were known for. True enough, this had taken toll on me, as the 3rd quarter of the year proved to be excruciating for me. This was the height of my inner conflicts on whether to remain on my current course or to pursue another discipline which would (based on my reflections) further provide me with the knowledge I need for a particular career track.

2. Frustrations
Man, this was more on my writing. I write regularly, be it a news article, a poem, or a fiction or a blog post, but heck, I could not figure out the reason behind not finishing the drafts I started. I always halt halfway if not put the scratch on the trash bin later. This, for me, was a mockery since I joined Heights (which enhances its members skills on critiquing literary works and art;and WRITING). Furthermore, my renewed ardor for journalism, to which I prefer practicing it by writing, made this look like a cruel joke.

This year was my 'Dark Age', 'Great Depression', 'Brain Drain' and 'insert other synonymous terms here'.

3. What ifs
This has a wide scope, mind you. From 'what-if-I-attended-this-talk', 'what-if-I-just-chose-to-hang-out-with-this-person' to 'what-if-I-figured-this-one-out-earlier' , this set of my 'what ifs' left me thinking at the end of the day if ever my present would be much better had I opted to let those things happen. Nevertheless, this did not mean I regretted my choices.

4. Becoming-a-good-daughter ****
I do not want to divulge personal details but what I can only say is this: there are gazillion ways on how to be a good daughter even without adhering to the norms.

5. Patriarchy
Or as I would put it, 'Realizations on Patriarchy'. This stemmed from a personal affair which opened my eyes to how this one conquered our world. Not that I hated it totally, but, there were just times, I was exasperated by it to the point I curse it.

6. Other positive things
Since they were pretty much the same or similar to what I've had the past few years and it's not like they were in greater scale this year. I decided not to delve much into this.

2009 was indeed, not so great a year, but it's not like I did not have fun and it's as if it would affect this year. Cheers!

***
I still wanted to believe nothing was wrong, or abnormal.