I am not certain if you favor messages in a letter. I am writing you one however because firstly, you are still not reassured despite my numerous iterations that “I am fine” and “You are not putting me in a miserable situation” even though I always tell you these over the phone or personally – albeit that thoughts rendered in writing form are more open to revisions than those delivered naturally from the mouth. And secondly, I too will not have a peace of mind if you will remain unconvinced of the things I keep telling you.

You do not need to worry about me. You have known me for a long time and you know that there is no reason for you to conclude that I tire of hearing my friends’ frustrations and musings on practically the same thing the whole time. My hair has gone from being tied in a bun to being let loose, eyes from being bespectacled to being covered by soft lenses and my lips from being lifelessly chapped to glossily polished. But the person you met three years ago is pretty much the same: I am still the one mistaken as a boy for the masculinity of her actions, the one who still cracks the corniest jokes, the one who harbors hero-worship for teachers, the one inclined to being tedious and boring, and of course, the one who eats the slowest. More importantly than all of these, and this I want you to remember: I still remain the one who was always beside her friends whenever they got problems (not considering their magnitude) – present to comfort or just listen to them. I never grew weary of friends who kept ranting about a superiorly smart classmate, despicable teacher, former boyfriend, traitor bestfriend, illicitly romantic cousin, homosexual acquaintances and believe me, even me. I have heard almost everything that you can possibly imagine for so many times that the dilemma you now find yourself in will not be the first one to drain me of my understanding and concern toward you.

For some instances that I became vocal about this matter, you have come to know that I am not fully supportive of your resolve, that I would rather see you and him back on the friendship track instead of knowing you are strangers to one another (from the moment you decided so) – to act like there was no blissful moments you shared. Furthermore, it ‘s as if the both of you, including me, had not sworn to one another that we would still be strongly bonded notwithstanding the differences in our academic tracks and the high chances of neglecting our camaraderie due to discovery of new friendships. If my honesty made you think that your seemingly endless utterances of your conviction have somehow exhausted me of my kind consideration, forget the notion. This opinion comes only from my own perspective, leaning toward the optimistic outcome and perhaps, my selfish want of maintaining things relatively easy. I have heard your side and I admit I have not fully realized the gravity of your reasons, but I have not lost my sensitivity – I know that getting past of what you two have been through and burying the hatchet for you to become friends is not something really easy to deal with. The repercussions (and the pain) might have been too magnanimous that it’s almost impossible to put everything where they were before - to be able to do so might only require refreshing your memory of sad falling out and reopening of your old wounds. I cannot bear to see you forcibly putting up yourself with this – you must be emotionally and mentally prepared and stable, somebody which you are apparently not right now. Doing this in a hasty manner might only result to failure, which is probably what we expect: more painful than the origin itself. With the difference in our view, I cannot do anything except continue being a good friend, by at least listening. This I do without choice, for it is my choice – I have already decided to keep true to what I promised before and that promise entails me to do that.

*

One thing that strikes me as a probable reason for your doubt is your assumption that you have not done much for me as a friend. That could be true. However, if friendship and its mutuality are measured by the times one has done something for the other, then there will never be a mutual friendship at all and consequently, one will always benefit more from the other. But this is not case, nor will it be. They are reckoned by the sincerity and earnestness of the people considering themselves as friends, and from these stems out the determination to become “true” to one another.

I do not like you to carry on with this thought on your mind. For all you know, there are many occasions you have proven me you are doubtlessly one of my truest friends. You have so much thinking to do right now and I do not wish this skepticism to add up to the list of your worries. I, for one thing, cannot exactly tell whether listening to your rhetoric will be of great help or not, but just so you know, I will not be tired of hearing your ravings, especially now. One more thing:

You can always count on me.

Your partner-in-crime,
Me

p.s. I remembered I was like this to you before - when I kept showering you with stories about my now ex-crush in school (although I perfectly knew none was of your interests) and also those funny anecdotes when we talked and met. :D
You see, it's not only you, the same went for me.